Relationships. Friendship & Love. (by Joe Jiko)
“You didn't seem like a relationship kind of guy so I never really brought it up or pushed it or anything.”
Every person you've ever met before and every person you haven’t met before, all have a relationship to you. “Stranger” is a relationship. I get asked the same questions over and over again by people seeking my friendship, my business, my time, or my heart. I'm a very guarded person. I have a complicated mind, trust issues, and a solitary heart. I enjoy talking to people, but I almost never let them close to me. If you want to get close to me, as a lover or a friend, I hope you have a lot of patience, and I suggest you read this very carefully. Be aware that the categories are in no logical order.
I find you attractive but I don't want you.
“Yeah I think you’re cute but I just came to say hello”
I'm a friendly, flirty person. Why? Because it's fun. That does not mean that I want anything from you. There's a very high chance that I have absolutely no interest in anything but friendship from you, if that. I like knowing people & I like friends. I like social experiments. People’s lives and interests are so unpredictable and fascinating. Every person’s life and experiences are unique & I want to continue to grow as a person. By observing the experiences, opinions, thoughts, behaviours, and views of other people, I can absorb new mental stimuli and continue to grow in my personal philosophy. You may be beautiful, but if your personality doesn't match, than what use are you? Beauty fades, but your personality will hold you up forever.
I probably care about you more than you know.
I may not always let on how much I care about you. Trust and feelings develop over time. That one time when you need me the most, I will be there. When you're upset and you need someone who will listen, that's me. I enjoy making other people happy. Everyone has something tragic about their life. We're all struggling and have stresses. We're all living life together, shouldn't we help each other through it?
Your boyfriend doesn't matter to me: if I want you, I will have you.
Boyfriend/girlfriend is a temporary title. Temporary relationships are used to find the person you're most compatible with. If I meet someone who interests me, it won't matter what their relationship status is. Even if that means being nothing more than friends until their other relationship ends. Nobody can foresee the future. Nothing worth having in life comes easy.
Sometimes there are no answers
I trust my feelings. I may not always know why I like someone, but my feelings are almost always right about people. Trying to translate a feeling into words is one of the hardest and most frustrating tasks. I've noticed that people always want to know why you feel a certain way. Well, I can try to describe it using adjectives, but they always seem to sound diluted. A feeling is something that can be seen in ways other than words. I say this all the time: if I like you, you'll know about it.
I'm not trying to be rude, but you're dumb!
Some people will think that’s kind of harsh, but I'm an intelligent person. Dumb people irritate me. It's not an issue of arrogance or patience, I get frustrated when I try to explain myself and somebody can’t comprehend it. I want someone who can pay attention when I'm talking, can hold a conversation, and provide a valid response. Okay, I'm not going to discriminate against anyone for not being as “smart” as I am, but I'm not going to date them either.
Do what you say you're going to do.
The quickest way to irritate me is to not follow through on the things you say. It's really simple. If you absolutely can't make good on your plans with me, show me some courtesy and let me know about it ahead of time! It's really disappointing how many people can't get such a simple concept. If I can't trust you, we're not friends.
You need to calm down
I can't stand hot tempers, violence, drama, repeating myself, control freaks, druggies, idiots, people who don't know how to listen, vengefulness, and jealousy. You can talk through anything with me, there's no reason to lose control of yourself. I will never seek to harm you in any way.
Don't ignore me
If you've got a problem with me, what should you do? Talk about it! You ever think, maybe, I have no idea that I've done something wrong? Even if we can't resolve it with one conversation, we can keep trying until we get it. There's always a solution. I'm willing to figure it out, are you?
Don't turn things around on me
If I confront you on something, don't try to accuse me of something else. You can bring it up after we've resolved my problem. If you wanted to bring something up, you should have done it before.
Here's an example of common issue:
Me: “How come you don't talk to me anymore?”
You: “You don't text me!”
Me: “I just did.”
Leave out all the excuses.
If you don't want to do something, just say you don't want to. There's always a way to accomplish the things you want to do. If you want it, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find excuses.
Anything you want to say that's longer than 3 text messages should be made into a phone call.
Seriously, I can't stand text conversations. I don't want to have an intense conversation that's dragged out for 3 days through text messages when it could have been resolved in 30 minutes on the phone.
Don't expect it to be easy to be my girlfriend.
If I've known you for a week, I'm not going to ask you to be my girlfriend! I'm opposed to the stereotype attached with the title of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”, and, therefor, heavily avoid giving the title away. There are girls who can't go a week without having a boyfriend. They're single for a week so they talk to all the guys they can until one of them “takes them off the market”. If you're important to me, you're going to know about it. If you want me, you'll make yourself available. I'm not going to chase after you. I'm not going to rush into a relationship with anyone. I'm not going to put more effort into my relationship with you than you're willing to give back to me.
I'm not going to touch you in public.
Our relationship is nobody else's business. It's rude to be excessively physical with someone in public. It's annoying when I see people doing it, so I'm sure it's just as annoying to somebody else watching me. Does that mean I won't kiss you in public? No. I'm not shy, I just won't be excessive about it. We can still hold hands. That's cute.
Say my name when you talk about me.
I'm not “baby”, or “boyfriend”, or “my love”, or whatever pet name you conjure up. It's annoying to see people say things like “with boyfrienddd” or “at baby's”. I have a name, use it. Thanks.
Don't abandon me. Don't give up on me.
I know I'm difficult to understand sometimes. I know I'm not always going to say the right things. Is that an excuse for you to drop me as a friend? Really? I never understood how people could do that. It hurts me to lose anyone who I've shared a part of my life with. I don't want to feel like all the time I've spent with you has been a waste. Yeah, times aren't always going to be good. But you can still remember that we had good times, right? Why would you suddenly tell me that I mean nothing to you or that you never want to talk to me again? I know I'm not a bad person. I don't deserve that.
I'm not too good for you.
This is the lamest excuse I've ever heard. It's depressing how common of a response it is. What makes you think I'm any better than you are? Who are you to tell me something like that? If I want you, that's my choice. You don't have to understand why.
I only want one person
If I like/love someone a lot, I'm not going to be interested in anyone else. You may not have the title of “girlfriend” but you're the only person that I want. If I stop wanting you, our relationship is over anyway and it's probably something you have no control over.
Jealousy is not cute.
If I choose to be in a relationship with you, you're ahead of every single other person in my life. It doesn't matter if I talk to a thousand pretty girls. You're the one who has me. You're the one who I want. Lose the jealousy. There's no need for it.
Cheating is not what you think it is.
If we're “dating” and you fuck someone else, as long as you tell me about it and you don't give me STDs, I really don't care. “Cheating” a relationship shouldn't be a physical thing. If I have a mutual agreement with someone to be in a relationship with them, it should mean that I'm the most important person in their life. That's not to say the only important person, because I think everyone should have more than one important person or friend in their life. That being said, if you intentionally go out and fuck random people, chances are you aren't that into me anyway. In which case, you've cheated our relationship. As soon as you start giving someone else more priority than the person who you say is the most important in your life, the relationship is over. The minute you lie to me, our relationship is over.
Lying is unacceptable.
If I ask you about something and you choose to lie to me, the moment I find out you lied, our relationship is over. There shouldn't be anything you can't tell me. I'm not judgemental or unreasonable. I have an open mind & an open heart. Try me.
Chivalry is dead
Don't wait for me to do everything. If you don't tell me you like me, how am I supposed to know that you do? Yeah, I'm good at reading people. Yeah, I probably know that you like me. But what if I don't know? It shouldn't be “the guy's job” to talk to you all the time. If you want to talk to me, you should do it! If you want to see me, make plans! If you're expecting me to “take care of you”, think again. I may decide to be nice-take you out to dinner, buy you something I think you'd like, call you when you're upset-but it might not happen all the time.
I'm not going to work all day while you stay at home doing nothing.
I'm not traditional. I don't think women should have set tasks, such as cooking or cleaning. If I ever got married, I would want my spouse to have interests, opinions, passions, and a career. I can cook. I can clean. I can do my own laundry. It's impressive to me when someone is independent, organized, talented, and responsible.
Sex is not a currency
I'm not going to do things for you so that you'll fuck me. It should be mutual. You can't control me that way, and it's insulting to me if you even think you can try it.
Love and sex
The two topics should never be grouped together. Sex is a physical instinct that all living things share. Even plants have sex. It's a healthy activity and good exercise. It can bring you closer to someone, but it is entirely unnecessary in a relationship. I may agree that when you love someone, or care about them, you will want to have sex with them. That may be; However, I also believe the desire to have sex with a lover comes from wanting to be as close to that person as possible.
I'm going to get married someday, but right now? I'm not even thinking about it. I refuse to rush into something that is supposed to last forever. Ask me again in 6 years when my life is stable and I might just consider it.
I don't intend to ever create any of my own. Actually, I'm prepared to get a vasectomy sometime in the near future. I think it would be amazing to have my own children, but I also believe there are too many people having children. Our world is only so big, our resources are limited. Not everyone is as responsible as I am and I can't make decisions for them. However, I can make decisions for myself. I can choose to not create any children, but save the ones who have been abandoned. There are enough children in the world looking for a home, and when I'm ready, I would like to give someone a home
--- Unorganized topics/thoughts
long absences don’t change us - relationship on hold/suspended temporarily
start conversations with purpose
leave me alone when I’m sick
leave me to my projects
repetitive actions devoid of meaning and expectations
opinions of friends
fishing for compliments