"We hadn't really talked a lot. So I took it as you just wanted to fuck"

Everything I hate about American culture in a sentence.

My parents maintained a relationship from Florida to Illinois after they met each other over a summer vacation.

They would take turns calling each other once a week because long distance calls were expensive.

They would write letters back and forth that would take days or weeks to arrive.

People today.. take it for granted how convenient communication and travel is.

Time is not real. Humans made it up.

And Humans alone maintain it.

Feelings and actions are not directly related

I can feel something and not act on it, or I can act against something I feel, or I can act and you can assume I feel something that I don't.

It boils down to the fact that I am the only one who feels my feelings. You can't ever know if I feel something or not based on whether I perform an action or not.

The feeling exists regardless.

The only way you will ever know is if you ask.

The old internet

I miss it.


When people used to make websites with personality.


These people called themselves "webmasters".


If you were a webmaster and you liked another webmaster's site,

you would email them and become friends.


By "friends" I mean actually friends.

Mutually interested in each other's website.


Hey, you might even throw your new friend's link on your site to show your appreciation.

You might offer to help them on something or they might lend a hand for one of your projects.


Not today, though.


Clicking a "like" button is all you get.

I'm not dead!

I did a reverse IP lookup on my host's IP address to see what other sites are on there and I noticed a ton of those sites hadn't been updated for awhile.

Okay I know I post sort of semi-regularly so it's probably not an issue, but, a lot of those sites were personal sites and I was thinking to myself, "what if this person is dead?"

Probably messed up the punctuation somewhere in that last sentence. Whatever.


Anyway, I thought this would be a great opportunity to let the universe know what I'm planning!


#1 User registration and Secret content

#2 Art. Interactive art

#3 Google+ experiments

#4 and more!


As I go along, I might update this post to  elaborate. Or maybe not.


On the real, though, if you want to find out what I'm up to, I'll be accepting interested people into Team Jiko.

Ask me about it on Twitter.


Moon in Virgo

Did you know each person has 3 zodiac signs?

The one most people know is their Sun sign.

There's also the Moon and Rising sign.

Here's my moon sign.

Moon in Virgo

The sign occupied by the Moon at your time of birth is an indicator of your emotional and physical nature. It describes your unconscious, instinctive reactions, what is innate, perhaps inherited from your mother or reflected in the feminine dimension of your life. It tells us what kind of experience you need in order to feel emotionally satisfied.

Virgo is one of the earth signs, signs of the practical, physical dimension of experience. With the Moon in this sign, your primary need is to feel useful and that your skills and talents are contributing to the health and welfare of the greater whole. You have a practical intelligence and natural attention to detail, which combined with the intelligence of your fingers, makes you skilled at making and growing. Whether it be weaving, knitting or other crafts, you will find great satisfaction in creating useful objects out of natural materials and will always derive emotional nourishment from any interaction with the natural world and its creatures, with whom you often have an uncanny affinity. You have a critical and analytical mind and will be disturbed by inefficiency or imperfection on any level; putting things right or in order, will always make you feel better. You have a natural feel for what is needed to make things function properly, a gift that can be used creatively in the healing professions. Matters to do with diet are particularly appropriate, for you, more than any other sign, are what you eat and you may find that vegetarianism or a diet of wholefood suits you well. Your body is extremely sensitive to your emotions and you may literally experience pain in the body as a symptom of unconscious feelings.

You are precise, modest and very self critical. Usually neat in dress, you can be shy of the limelight because you are all too aware of your own real or perceived failings and learning to be a little less demanding of yourself is one of your lifetime lessons. Your attention to every last detail and the need for perfection you have favours activities which involve small component parts, particularly ones that mesh the little bits together to create a healthy working system — just like you need around you to function at your best.

Your Ascendant: 2 °47' Aries
You express your vital energy in a very cut and dried way, you do not resist taking the driver’s seat and you may come across as arrogant. Charging ahead also implies hurting yourself and being suddenly overcome by doubt. As a result, your courage, your honesty, your enthusiasm and your straightforwardness may turn into aggressiveness, rebellion and vulnerability that no one ever suspected. Fortunately, the level of your energy is very high and your instinctive and pugnacious side will not leave you helpless for too long and will set you back on the often perilous road to conquest and glory.

With this Ascendant, you come across as courageous, enthusiastic, dynamic, quick, extroverted, direct, warm, impulsive, adventurous, bold, and competitive. But you may also be gullible, dominating, self-centered, impatient, foolish, thoughtless, childish, irascible, reckless, primary, with a foot in mouth disease.

Mom's cookies

It was somebody's birthday. My little brother's, I think.

We were in a public place that somehow seemed like home and it had a kitchen.

There were a ton of people there. None I recognized.

My mom and sister were in the kitchen.

I heard my dad say that all the teenagers within 20 miles would eat mom out of her donuts.

Apparently she made thousands of white powdered donuts and was distributing them

She was also making cookies.

I was more interested in the cookies, but I remember I did have one donut.

And I stuffed it in my face, then walked away snickering and covering my powdery mouth.

I disappeared for awhile to make some kind of birthday app for tablets. I think it played music.

I showed my dad but he was more interested in something going on outside.

But i never found out what that was, because I got distracted and went into the kitchen.

My sister made some sort of candy thing for her husband. I remember it being super ugly but she was really proud of it.

My younger sister had destroyed most of the cookies, but my mom shared hers with me.

That's pretty much it.


32 girlfriend requirements

Understand  social media, basic psychology,

be tech savvy, artistic, happy, confident,

able to communicate, problem solve, take action, DIY,

like math/science, robots, gadgets,

read books, harry potter, science fiction,

watch stargate sg-1, anime, house, star trek, and big bang theory,

style your hair,

take care of your body,

wear nice clothes,


have a job, interests, hobbies,

hold a conversation,

play zelda, pokemon, final fantasy, and mario,

love yourself and love me.

Relationships. Friendship & love.


“You didn't seem like a relationship kind of guy so I never really brought it up or pushed it or anything.”

Every person you've ever met before and every person you haven’t met before, all have a relationship to you. “Stranger” is a relationship. I get asked the same questions over and over again by people seeking my friendship, my business, my time, or my heart. I'm a very guarded person. I have a complicated mind, trust issues, and a solitary heart. I enjoy talking to people, but I almost never let them close to me. If you want to get close to me, as a lover or a friend, I hope you have a lot of patience, and I suggest you read this very carefully. Be aware that the categories are in no logical order.

The Basics

I find you attractive but I don't want you.

“Yeah I think you’re cute but I just came to say hello”

I'm a friendly, flirty person. Why? Because it's fun. That does not mean that I want anything from you. There's a very high chance that I have absolutely no interest in anything but friendship from you, if that. I like knowing people & I like friends. I like social experiments. People’s lives and interests are so unpredictable and fascinating. Every person’s life and experiences are unique & I want to continue to grow as a person. By observing the experiences, opinions, thoughts, behaviours, and views of other people, I can absorb new ideas and continue to grow in my personal philosophy. You may be beautiful, but if your personality doesn't match, then what use are you? Beauty fades, but your personality will hold you up forever.

I probably care about you more than you know.

I may not always let on how much I care about you. Trust and feelings develop over time. That one time when you need me the most, I will be there. When you're upset and you need someone who will listen, that's me. I enjoy making other people happy. Everyone has something tragic about their life. We're all struggling and have stresses. We're all living life together, shouldn't we help each other through it?

Your boyfriend doesn't matter to me: if I want you, I will have you.

Boyfriend/girlfriend is a temporary title. Temporary relationships are used to find the person you're most compatible with. If I meet someone who interests me, it won't matter what their relationship status is. Even if that means being nothing more than friends until their other relationship ends. Nobody can foresee the future. Nothing worth having in life comes easy.

Sometimes there are no answers

I trust my feelings. I may not always know why I like someone, but my feelings are almost always right about people. Trying to translate a feeling into words is one of the hardest and most frustrating tasks. I've noticed that people always want to know why you feel a certain way. Well, I can try to describe it using adjectives, but they always seem to sound diluted. A feeling is something that can be seen in ways other than words. I say this all the time: if I like you, you'll know about it.

I'm not trying to be rude, but you're dumb!

Some people will think that’s kind of harsh, but I'm an intelligent person. Dumb people irritate me. It's not an issue of arrogance or patience, I get frustrated when I try to explain myself and somebody can’t comprehend it. I want someone who can pay attention when I'm talking, can hold a conversation, and provide a valid response. Okay, I'm not going to discriminate against anyone for not being as “smart” as I am, but I'm not going to date them either.

Do what you say you're going to do.

The quickest way to irritate me is to not follow through on the things you say. It's really simple. If you absolutely can't make good on your plans with me, show me some courtesy and let me know about it ahead of time! It's really disappointing how many people can't get such a simple concept. If I can't trust you, we're not friends.

You need to calm down

I can't stand hot tempers, violence, drama, repeating myself, control freaks, druggies, idiots, people who don't know how to listen, vengefulness, and jealousy. You can talk through anything with me,  there's no reason to lose control of yourself. I will never seek to harm you in any way.

Don't ignore me

If you've got a problem with me, what should you do? Talk about it! You ever think, maybe, I have no idea that I've done something wrong? Even if we can't resolve it with one conversation, we can keep trying until we get it. There's always a solution. I'm willing to figure it out, are you?

Don't turn things around on me

If I confront you on something, don't try to accuse me of something else. You can bring it up after we've resolved my problem. If you wanted to bring something up, you should have done it before.

Here's an example of common issue:

Me: “How come you don't talk to me anymore?”

You: “You don't text me!”

Me: “I just did.”

Leave out all the excuses.

If you don't want to do something, just say you don't want to. There's always a way to accomplish the things you want to do. If you want it, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find excuses.

Anything you want to say that's longer than 3 text messages should be made into a phone call.

Seriously, I can't stand text conversations. I don't want to have an intense conversation that's dragged out for 3 days through text messages when it could have been resolved in 30 minutes on the phone.

Don't expect it to be easy to be my girlfriend.

If I've known you for a week, I'm not going to ask you to be my girlfriend! I'm opposed to the stereotype attached with the title of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”, and, therefor, heavily avoid giving the title away. There are girls who can't go a week without having a boyfriend. They're single for a week so they talk to all the guys they can until one of them “takes them off the market”. If you're important to me, you're going to know about it. If you want me, you'll make yourself available. I'm not going to chase after you. I'm not going to rush into a relationship with anyone. I'm not going to put more effort into my relationship with you than you're willing to give back to me.

I'm not going to touch you in public.

Our relationship is nobody else's business. It's rude to be excessively physical with someone in public. It's annoying when I see people doing it, so I'm sure it's just as annoying to somebody else watching me. Does that mean I won't kiss you in public? No. I'm not shy, I just won't be excessive about it. We can still hold hands. That's cute.

Say my name when you talk about me.

I'm not “baby”, or “boyfriend”, or “my love”, or whatever pet name you conjure up. It's annoying to see people say things like “with boyfrienddd” or “at baby's”. I have a name, use it. Thanks.

Don't abandon me. Don't give up on me.

I know I'm difficult to understand sometimes. I know I'm not always going to say the right things. Is that an excuse for you to drop me as a friend? Really? I never understood how people could do that. It hurts me to lose anyone who I've shared a part of my life with. I don't want to feel like all the time I've spent with you has been a waste. Yeah, times aren't always going to be good. But you can still remember that we had good times, right? Why would you suddenly tell me that I mean nothing to you or that you never want to talk to me again? I know I'm not a bad person. I don't deserve that.

I'm not too good for you.

This is the lamest excuse I've ever heard. It's depressing how common of a response it is. What makes you think I'm any better than you are? Who are you to tell me something like that? If I want you, that's my choice. You don't have to understand why.

I only want one person

If I like/love someone a lot, I'm not going to be interested in anyone else. You may not have the title of “girlfriend” but you're the only person that I want. If I stop wanting you, our relationship is over anyway and it's probably something you have no control over.

Jealousy is not cute.

If I choose to be in a relationship with you, you're ahead of every single other person in my life. It doesn't matter if I talk to a thousand pretty girls. You're the one who has me. You're the one who I want. Lose the jealousy. There's no need for it.

Cheating is not what you think it is.

If we're “dating” and you fuck someone else, as long as you tell me about it and you don't give me STDs, I really don't care. “Cheating” a relationship shouldn't be a physical thing. If I have a mutual agreement with someone to be in a relationship with them, it should mean that I'm the most important person in their life. That's not to say the only important person, because I think everyone should have more than one important person or friend in their life. That being said, if you intentionally go out and fuck random people, chances are you aren't that into me anyway. In which case, you've cheated our relationship. As soon as you start giving someone else more priority than the person who you say is the most important in your life, the relationship is over. The minute you lie to me, our relationship is over.

Lying is unacceptable.

If I ask you about something and you choose to lie to me, the moment I find out you lied, our relationship is over. There shouldn't be anything you can't tell me. I'm not judgemental or unreasonable. I have an open mind & an open heart. Try me.

Chivalry is dead

Don't wait for me to do everything. If you don't tell me you like me, how am I supposed to know that you do? Yeah, I'm good at reading people. Yeah, I probably know that you like me. But what if I don't know? It shouldn't be “the guy's job” to talk to you all the time. If you want to talk to me, you should do it! If you want to see me, make plans! If you're expecting me to “take care of you”, think again. I may decide to be nice-take you out to dinner, buy you something I think you'd like, call you when you're upset-but it might not happen all the time.

I'm not going to work all day while you stay at home doing nothing.

I'm not traditional. I don't think women should have set tasks, such as cooking or cleaning. If I ever got married, I would want my spouse to have interests, opinions, passions, and a career. I can cook. I can clean. I can do my own laundry. It's impressive to me when someone is independent, organized, talented, and responsible.

Sex is not a currency

I'm not going to do things for you so that you'll fuck me. It should be mutual. You can't control me that way, and it's insulting to me if you even think you can try it.

Love and sex

The two topics should never be grouped together. Sex is a physical instinct that all living things share. Even plants have sex. It's a healthy activity and good exercise. It can bring you closer to someone, but it is entirely unnecessary in a relationship. I may agree that when you love someone, or care about them, you will want to have sex with them. That may be; However, I also believe the desire to have sex with a lover comes from wanting to be as close to that person as possible.


I'm going to get married someday, but right now? I'm not even thinking about it. I refuse to rush into something that is supposed to last forever. Ask me again in 6 years when my life is stable and I might just consider it.


I don't intend to ever create any of my own. Actually, I'm prepared to get a vasectomy sometime in the near future. I think it would be amazing to have my own children, but I also believe there are too many people having children. Our world is only so big, our resources are limited. Not everyone is as responsible as I am and I can't make decisions for them. However, I can make decisions for myself. I can choose to not create any children, but save the ones who have been abandoned. There are enough children in the world looking for a home, and when I'm ready, I would like to give someone a home

--- Unorganized topics/thoughts
long absences don’t change us - relationship on hold/suspended temporarily
start conversations with purpose
leave me alone when I’m sick
leave me to my projects
repetitive actions devoid of meaning and expectations
opinions of friends
praising mediocrity
fishing for compliments
passive agressive

Dream log: talking about bible theory

Dream Log

talking about bible theory and relating the scripture to modern life

around a table and two clients from work-the lady with the really bad dog postcards

alzheimer doctor volunteers for an experiment

lays down on the table and i raise my hands

an ethereal skeleton lifts up from his body into the air

i do something else to "connect" the nerves

i notice there's something wrong with him

he's bleeding and somehow it's obvious that it's his heart

i ask him if he's OK. he says, look at me.. i'm not going to make it

then i grab a large, dull-looking meat cleaver and sink it into his chest

pretty sure he didn't have pain killers but he only groaned a little

i ripped through his body and pulled it open like it was a package

there was no blood & the inside was hollow

i could see inside to the organs and the rest of it was empty space

i saw some issue with his intestines and swung the meat cleaver at them, then reached in and pulled them out to show him..


100 truths (from 2009)

(went through my "notes" on facebook and deleted them. found this and thought it worth posting. Enjoy!)

The Rules:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you.

At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

You have to tag the person who tagged you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)


1. last beverage: Arizona green tea

2. last phone call: Amanda

3. last text message: Violet Mooney

4. last song you listened to: Some disturbed song playing in the other room

5. last time you cried: can't remember the last time.. I think it was when I was 17. My dad kicked me out of the house and I didn't know where to go.

6. dated someone twice: Most people don't get a second chance, but I dated Alexa Consiglieri twice. Love that girl :]

8. kissed someone & regretted it: Ahaha, kisses ain't no thang

9. lost someone special: I've lost my dog.. like 8 times.

10. been depressed: Try not to.

11. been drunk and threw up: Oh yes, but not often.


12. blue

13. green

14. red


15. Made a new friend: several

16. Fallen out of love: what's love?

17. Laughed until you cried: I don't laugh much.

18. Met someone who changed you: Good luck with that one.

19. Found out who your true friends were: Every day.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: People always talk about me >_>

21. Been to a concert?: Nope, haven't been doing much of that.


22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life: Quite a few, actually. I know most of them, though.

24. Do you have any pets: Only Zeah.

25. Do you want to change your name: Already have.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: New York City with Amy Gaskins

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Drunk, trying to sleep & dreading work this morning.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: My life to start.

30. Last time you saw your Mother: Couple of days ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I had a piece of paper that would make people take me seriously before I shoved my skills in their face.

32. What are you listening to right now: My brother playing Xbox

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Um, not recently.

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: People who talk instead of doing.

35. Most visited webpage: www.spine-network.com or twitter.com

37. Nicknames: joe, joey, jiko

38. Relationship Status: I don't need a status to define my relationships.

39. Zodiac sign: Pisces

40. He or She?: Who?

41. Elementary School?: Frank Porter Graham

42. Middle School: Culbeth

43. High School/College: Stonebridge, Culpeper County, Discovery School of VA

44. Hair color: drk brown/blond

45. Long or short: long and short

46. Height: Idk, the bitch at the doctor didn't tell me when I asked. My ID says 5'7"

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: What a stupid word, but I suppose several people meet the criteria.

48: What do you like about yourself?: Eyes, lips, hair & My personality is strong.

49. Piercings: 3

50. Tattoos: 0

51. Righty or lefty: both but mostly righty.


52. First surgery: Had a bunch of metal put in to fix my broken hip/femur

53. First piercing: ears

54. First best friend: My cousin Nathan Blais

55. First sport you joined: Soccer with Rainbow Soccer

56. First vacation: Florida, probably

58. First pair of trainers: uhhh


59. Eating: popsicle

60. Drinking: green tea

61. I'm about to: Do artsy stuff or talk to random people

62. Listening to: Some shit on TV

63. Waiting for: The money to get a new engine for my car.


64. Want kids?: Not my own, maybe I'll adopt.

65. Get Married?: Doubt it.

66. Career?: Business, Law or Accounting


67. Lips or eyes?: They're both so nice. Eyes are more fun to look at. Lips are more fun to touch.

68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs are lame, kiss me!

69. Shorter or taller: Doesn't matter.

70. Older or Younger: Older, but not by too much.

71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous. The romantic shit gets old.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: No stomach please.

73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship: Hook-up with the intent of a relationship.

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker ;)


76. Kissed a stranger: yes

77. Drank hard liquor: yes

78. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't need them.

79. Sex on first date: yes

80. Broken someone's heart: All the time

81. Had your own heart broken: I don't think so...

82. Been arrested: Not going to happen

83. Turned someone down: Twice a week

84. Cried when someone died: When I was really little, one of the girls on my street had her dad die of a heart attack. I went to the funeral and saw his dead body. I couldn't stop crying.

85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes


86. Yourself: Always

87. Miracles: Not miracles, but unlikely events.

88. Love at first sight: Love? Nah. But I'm sure the feeling of wanting to fuck someone happens instantly.

89. Heaven: Nope

90. Santa Claus: Never did.

91. Kiss on the first date: Usually at least once.

92. Angels: Zeah is an angel.


93. Had more than one bf/gf at a time?: Not officially.

95. Did you sing today?: Yes, I have a song by Bush stuck in my head.

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: I don't believe in cheating.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why?: Never look back. There's no reason to change the past. I like who I am today.

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: The first 4 months were Okay.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Afraid? Nope. Cautious.

100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Sure, why not. This is your fault Alice.